Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
