I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
