WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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