I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize