You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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