I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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