I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
