Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
