the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
