apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
