When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
