Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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