Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
