Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
