Old men and throwing up are my life now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
