i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
