in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
