She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
