I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
