i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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