she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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