alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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