Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
