It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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