I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
