sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
