I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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