You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
