What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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