How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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