separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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