everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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