I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
