If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
