I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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