Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
