she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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