i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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