idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
