He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
