I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I said "one day" and that day is not today
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
