After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
