Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
