dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
