i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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