Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
