make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
