Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
