you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
