Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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