You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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