Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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