I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
