Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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