So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
