I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
