it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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