you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
