How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
