ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
