I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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