As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
