I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
