wanna go halves on a baby?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
