Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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