Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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