my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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