I heard we made out
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
