I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize