this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
