you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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