New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
