I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize