Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
