I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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