I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
