I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
