I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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